Love, Sex, Tourism and Looking for the Truth

Lugu Lake is a beautiful lake, but the main attraction for the many tourists who pour into the area despite the 6-hour bumpy bus ride is the area's Mosuo minority- the so-called last matriarchal society in the world, as the tour guides will tell you.

What sells here is Sex, or the idea of Sex.

The Mosuo minority traditionally practice "walking marriage", ie. the men will visit his partner at night, spend the night, and leave early next morning. Both men and women live in their parent's homes throughout their lives, they never get married, and never move in with each other. Both men and women can have multiple partners throughout their lives.

Hey, that sounds like sex without responsibilities!

This aspect of their culture, needless to say, captured both public fascination and tour operator's business minds.

"Come here to Lugu Lake, a paradise for Love (and hint, hint, sex)."

"Remember to try out walking marriage!" Tour guides will joke around and say, equating walking marriage to one-night-stands.

I heard a lot of contradicting things about the Mosuo people before arriving, "they used to live in tree houses, and men will climb up the trees to see the women"; "if they tap your palm with their fingers, it means they want to sleep with you" etc.

Sounds like the Arabian Nights.

It was difficult to tell what's real and what is just people exotify-ing, and being stupid.

Fortunately, I was able to find this book by Hong Konger, Chou Wah-shan 周华山, who spent more than a year in the area doing ethnographic study.

《无父无夫的国度?》
作者： 周华山
2001

His view of the Mosuo culture seems a bit overarchingly positive, but it still seem to be the most objective book I can find out there. Here's what I learnt from the book:

Love & Sex in a Collective Society

Walking Marriage might sound like sex without responsibilities, but in this traditional collective society, any such irresponsible behaviour will put you under immense social pressure.

In more traditional areas, couples don't hold hands in public, they don't even walk together in public!

Walking Marriage is a stable, serious, monogamous relationship, just without the "forever and after" public commitment. The Mosuos can be in many, a few, or just one relationship throughout their lives.


Women/ Mothers: Continue the Family Lineage

Bloodline is carried down on the female side, if no one in the extended family gave birth to a girl, the family will worry that the lineage will be broken.

In his book, Chow mentioned a woman Yajiama, she was the no. 10 after 9 brothers. The whole family was exhilarated for the bloodline will not be broken, but this also denies her freedom to marriage in the traditional sense.

Yajiaman rejected her first man who asked her to marry him. She knows she needs to continue the family lineage. In the end, she engaged in walking marriage with a few other men and gave birth to 10 children.


Men: Important not as fathers, but as uncles

Though outsiders often classify the Mosuo as a matriarchal society, men are not inferior to women, they also hold a high status, but as uncles, not as fathers. Both elderly men and elderly women hold very high status in the families.

Men are also decision makers in their families, but only in the families they grew up in, not in the families of their children.


Family: No more in-laws!

So no one has in-law problems. Hey, you don't even live with your wife.

Mosuo people remain with their blood-related families throughout their lives, meaning the decision-makers in the family are the mothers and their brothers (the uncles), and together, they take care of the women's children, no matter who the biological father is.

Children are raised and disciplined collectively by the whole family. All the adults can discipline the children. If a family has 3 sisters, 2 brothers and a child, the child has like 5 parents...goodness.

There is very little concept of private ownership of children, i.e., when one sister give birth to a girl, the other sisters no longer have the pressure to give birth, as the family already as an heir.

When the family already has too many children, say if one sister already gave birth to 3, the other sisters will make adjustments, using contraceptive methods to avoid pregnancy and therefore more financial burden.


Changes

During the Cultural Revolution, the Mosuos are forced to adopt the husband-wife system. Nowadays, they are free to choose whichever system they prefer.

In Chow's survey involving 300 Mosuos living in 8 villages:
27% are engaged in walking marriage
9% are married
23% cohabit
41% are single

Among those 300 interviewees,
14% are in favour of marriage
24% are in favour of walking marriage
62% said it depends on the situation

In general, for those who live in cities or want to move to cities, or for those who are in relationships with non-Mosuo people, they are more likely to get married for practical reasons. There are also more men than women who are in favour of marriage (in order to benefit from the patriarchal system according to Chow's analysis).

Tourism has changed the Lugu Lake area a great deal, it brought in money which the community wisely responded with cooperatives that collectively deal with everything tourist-related.


Sounds Great! Should I just switch over to Walking Marriage?

For us outsiders, some think it feels insecure not to have a lifelong promise made to them. On the other hand, some think it's just a realistic way in approaching relationships (look at the divorce rate!), and some think that without the pragmatic burdens (Mortgage! In-laws!)that often come with marriage, this system frees you to real romance.

Hey, it does sound like the new saviour to our broken system of marriage. And whatever insecurities that come from not having a man (or a woman's) promise is more than made up for in the securities you get from living with and being provided for by your blood-related family.

The thing is though, it only works well in a collective society. Personally, I like my freedom. I'm just not a big fan of collective societies.